Choot & Sach (Trans: Lies & truth)

I made it out to the parking lot before the tears got so bad that I couldn’t see where I was going. I stopped just outside the door of the café and leaned against the wall as I tried to stop crying. A moment later, I felt someone’s eyes on me and glanced around to see that Kevin had come out of Rally’s and was standing there looking at me.
For what seemed like forever we just stared at each other before Kevin dropped his eyes and looked at the ground. He looked like he trying to decide whether he should say something or not which made me want to brace myself incase there was, as insane as it seems, even more to the story.
“I…I never wanted to hurt you” Kevin said, still staring at the ground.
When I just continued to look at him without saying anything, Kevin continued. “The reason I didn’t want to start this…this what ever this is because I knew that one of us was going to end up hurt. So I waited and waited for these feelings to pass but they wouldn’t. And then when I finally decided to say something to you, Kayla came back into the picture and I didn’t know what to do. I…I wanted to say something to you when I had finally gotten the guts to do so but I knew that there was something there with Kayla too. I didn’t-
“So you decided that you were going to play with us both” I angrily interrupted him
“Well no. That wasn’t my plan. New Year’s day when I went to drop Kayla home after the party, I was going to tell her that I didn’t want to be with her since I was interested in someone else, but we were drunk and happy and one thing led to another”
He lapsed into silence and I looked at him as I tried to process everything in my mind.
Finally signing, I said “Kevin, honestly I don’t even want to look at you right now. Since you sent me that text message my life has done a 180 and the person that I thought was my best friend seems to be someone I don’t even know any more”
Kevin started to interrupt but I continued “Don’t Kevin. Don’t make any more excuses or anything like that because I frankly don’t want to hear it. I need to you to just listen to me. Listen to what I am saying and believe it because this is how I feel right now”
“Ok” Kevin said, looking a little defeated “Are you saying that you don’t even want to be friends anymore?”
I thought about what he had just asked and realized that it wasn’t true. “No I’m not saying that Kevin. I’m not exactly sure what I’m saying. I need time. Time to think and time to myself to figure out if this friendship with you is worth fighting for. Because you are going to have to fight to keep our friendship. I don’t trust you anymore Kev. I don’t know if I can believe a single word that’s coming out of your mouth and I hate that”
Kevin looked at me and nodded and said “Ok” and then “how much time do you think you need?”
I signed and thought about how much I really didn’t need this right now and said “I’m leaving to go to Seattle for 4 days in a week. Until then I have enough to worry about and I don’t want to worry about this. When I get back, we can talk but until then, just please leave me alone”
With those words, I turned around and started to walk away…