Soochna and Cabbie (Thoughts and a cabbie)

I desperately tried to think of something to say but my mind was still stuck on the “I love you…” while my heart was doing like jumps and then dives of joy.

“What?” I finally managed

Alex, who had been looking at me with a strange expression on his face, said nothing for minute. He continued to look at me and then as if making up his mind he said “I said I love you”

I looked him in the eye and saw something that I had never seen there before. He met my gaze and held it, he’s eyes telling me everything that I needed and wanted to know. Suddenly I had to look away as I felt my knees go week and felt like an elephant had slammed into me, sending me into shock.

“You love…you love me!?” I asked, so softly I could barely hear it myself

But he must have heard because almost before I could finish the question, he was nodding.

I suddenly had a thought and almost afraid to voice it out loud, I asked him “like a sister?”

Until that moment I had never seen Alex truly angry at me. I’m not saying that we hadn’t had arguments because that would have been a bold faced lie because there is no way two people can be friends for almost 12 years and not have arguments, fights and even blow outs.

But until that moment, I had had no idea. When I asked him if he loved me like a sister “Alex’s jaw tightened visibly and his whole body tensed and I could see a vein throbbing in his temple.

Involuntarily I took a step back even though I knew with utmost certainty and believe that Alex would never hit me or hurt me in any way.

Alex saw me step back and that only seemed to make him angrier. We stared at each other until he let out a breath and looked at me again with almost a sad expression on his face. “No, Rors. I don’t love you like a sister. I might have once upon a time thought of you like a sister but that went away a long time ago”

After that little revelation from him, we both fell silent. While I tried to come to terms with what Alex’s confessions meant to me, Alex started to look a little defeated.

He looked at me and started to say something but I interrupted him before he could.

“No, Alex. Don’t say anything” I said and the look on his face made me want to cry for hurting him but I continued “I need to go, now. I’m going to be late for my interview. And…and I need to think. And honestly I can’t think about this when you are right next to me”

He didn’t say anything and just nodded so I continued “I’m going to call a cab. I know you were going to give me a ride but its okay”

Before he could say something or before I could change my mind, I turned and almost ran into the elevator and forced myself to not look at Alex through the closing doors.

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The next few hours flew by as I got to the Boeing office where my interview was and started getting everything together. Before I knew it, I was standing outside the offices after my interview and waiting for the cab to come get me. During the waiting game that I had played inside while I waited for my turn, I’d been thinking about the conversation with Alex this morning. After giving me a headache I’d finally came to a conclusion/decision and knew what I had to do.

When the cab finally pulled up, I told him to go to Pike’s place market which I knew was one of Alex’s favorite places. On the way, the cabbie who was Punjabi (from a state in India called “Punjab”. I’m Punjabi as well (both in the story and in real life)), struck up a conversation since he recognized me as a fellow Punjabi. Indian people have this innate habit of asking a lot of personal questions. In America it is considered rude but in India and especially in Punjab, it’s a matter of being proud and wanting to connect them with you. It is amazing some of the connections that I have heard people produce after they find out the part and the specific city where my family lives in Punjab.

After a few minutes of general chit-chat the cabbie suddenly asked me if my dad used to drive a taxi. I will admit I was taken aback a little bit but said “yes”

The cabbie smiles and says “Tere daddy da naam Balraj te nehe? (Your dads name isn’t Balraj by any chance is it”

“Han ji (yes it is)” I said, smiling now at the chance that the one cab I would take would turn out to be driven by someone my dad knew

“Me noo laga he tuhe hun iathe nahe rendhe. Tuhe California chale gaye se? (I thought you didn’t live here anyone? When I talked to your dad last, he said you were living in California now?”) he asked, fully enjoying himself now.

“Han ji, ase LA de lage rehnde ya. Me eithe paride de ik kaam laye ehi se. (We do, we live near LA. I’m here for an internship interview) I said.

At that moment, my phone vibrated and after looking at it, I saw that my dad was calling me. Picking up I talked to him for a minute before asking if he’d like to talk to Sulkhan uncle (I had finally figured out the cabbie’s name). My dad laughed when he realized I was in a friends cab and said yes.

The rest of the cab ride…